A Film by DVD

Hi everyone, I am a DVD. All of you know me, or at least someone in my family, I have a lots of brothers all around the world and I am sure that at least one of them is at home with you. Almost everyone in my family is used to store and watch movies. We are proud of being able to carry good cinema to all corners of the world. Credit is also due to our half-brothers the CD, but with due humility I would like to say that we DVDs have better capacity and memory. But before this starts to look like a self-advertising effort, let me get to the point. We are not known to talk much; we only do our job of carrying good cinema into the homes of anyone who wants to watch it. We are quiet performers. In fact, we have not yet spoken against the way we are being misused by many illegal operators to create copies of movies without the permission of their makers. The bad picture and sound quality of the products is spoiling our pedigree and harming the reputation of my family. But, let me leave that for another day. Today, I am speaking about something that you all need to know about. It is about how I am being denied a lot of credit that I

actually deserve for many good films that you see.

Biotechnology invented the science of cloning more than a decade ago; everyone was very excited about it. I have always wondered what the big fuss was about. Cloning is only about making duplicate copies, isn’t it? Well, cinema invented dubbing and remakes many decades earlier and no one seemed to notice. At last we came to the conclusion that perhaps many people are not able to identify clones when they see one because they haven’t seen the original. But, no clone can escape the notice of the DVD family because every movie made on earth has to ultimately come to us.

In 2005, there was a new addition to the DVD family, it was named Tsotsi. He was born in South Africa and had a wonderful tale to tell. It was about a gangster who accidentally gets the ownership of a baby. He unwillingly takes up custody of the child and tends for it, even gets another lady to breast feed the baby. Touching to say the least, the changes brought about in a rough goon by an infant. We were proud to have Tsotsi in our family. Now, we hear that Tsotsi has been cloned. Well, the clone has not come to our family yet, he eventually will. We have got news that it is from India, Tamil Nadu to be exact. It is nice, in fact to hear that Tsotsi has been cloned. Any clone of Tsotsi cannot be bad and we will be proud to have another good member in the DVD family.

Ours is a young family you know. It has not been too many years since the first DVD was born. But, we must say that we have multiplies in numbers far faster than the rate of the human population. One of the veterans in our family, she is called ‘Mrs. Doubtfire’ once said that she was among the first to be cloned. That was before biotechnological clone was invented. So, the man who did it must surely be of great skill. ‘Mrs. Doubtfire’ told us her story. We expected to hear a woman’s story, but we were surprised to know that it was in fact about a man who had to go in disguise as a caretaker nanny to his wife’s house so that he could take care of his children. Really funny, it ought to have been cloned for more people to see. This time also, the clone was from India. In fact, there were two clones. We checked out the man who was behind these clones. It turned out that he had contributed many of the most sought after members in our family. Great film maker.

I thought, oh, so there are quite a lot of clones. I searched deeper and found out a few more. One of the younger members of my family named Memento told me his story. It was about a man who couldn’t remember anything for a long time. It seems that he got hit hard on the head while trying to save his wife from murderers. The rest of his life is spent trying to find them out and kill them. The most interesting detail was that he tattooed all essential details on his body so that he wouldn’t forget and always carried a Polaroid camera around to take pictures of important people or places. It seems that he had been cloned too. Again, the superb work was done in India. This does seem to be a hot spot for cloning. Great work. I met the clone too, absolutely wonderful to have him in our family. Can’t remember his name.

I met a few others too. Well, maybe the list is getting too long. But, let me tell you about a few works that are in progress. I met this cool DVD called ‘Taken’ about a protective father trying to save his daughter from danger. He told me that he was being cloned and that the work would be over soon. Guess the place where he was cloned, India again. These guys are experts I believe. Wonder why they don’t get any Oscars!

Well, as I have said, the clones are absolutely fabulous. They could even give a complex to the original guys already in our family. It has to be admitted that the clones are not clones in the exact sense. There are a few changes and the new guys definitely have a much better sense of music. But, they are basically the same as the originals, but with a makeover. Sometimes, when we want to tell someone a story we are not sure whom to call upon, the original or his clone. But, only one thing I want to say is, the original guy does deserve the credit. After all, he came up with the story first. The clone might be good, but the real one deserves at least a footnote. Sadly, I find this courtesy missing. At least, the original guy must be asked before being cloned, which I understand, is not what happens in most cases. We DVDs are quite a generous lot and will give consent if graciously asked, but that never happens. I met a few in my family who were not quite amused with the idea of having clones. They were talking about things like ‘copyright infringement’ and ‘rights’. Most of them were DVDs carrying legal stories or documentaries. I couldn’t make much of it.

But, one general opinion that I cam across is that the rate of cloning was increasing alarmingly. Guess, someone has to act like Bush and bring about a ban on cloning. Otherwise, some wise men in my family said, there will be a time when the DVD family will be overrun with clones. Boy, I wouldn’t want to think of that, I love individuality. Guess everyone does! You wouldn’t want to run into the same story every third DVD, would you?

Respond to

Behindwoods is not responsible for the views of columnists.

A Film by DVD
What not to do for global acclaim?
Unearthed potential in Kollywood
The hide and seek with censors!
The look-alikes of Kollywood!
Thin is in!
Fourth Dimension
The ‘constants’ of Tamil cinema
When movies were intimate!
Audiences’ message to Ajith, Vijay et.al……
Jo's Space
The Divorce - Why?
The New Kollywood
If Aamir had played fair, would    Asin have cried foul?
Slumdog Millionaire –    Unentertaining, Laughable and    Annoying!