Second marriages – full stop or a comma?
Prakash Raj Pony Verma   It appears to be the season of weddings in the tinsel town and mostly high profile ones. We witnessed Soundarya Rajnikanth entering the holy matrimony with Ashwin Ramkumar and later Kavi Perarasu Vairamuthu’s younger son marrying Dr. Ramya. And there are numerous such weddings all over. While we have these marriages on one side, on the other end of the spectrum, we had weddings / wedding/engagement announcements in the film industry which are not first time for the male partners.

I am sure it is easy to guess and for those who have tuned in late, I am talking about actor Prakash Raj’s second wedding to choreographer Pony Verma, ace tennis player Mahesh Bhupathy’s engagement to Bollywood/Kollywood actress Lara Dutta and Prabhu Deva going public about his relationship and impending wedding to Nayanthara.

While matters concerning the heart are entirely left to the discretion of the parties involved, there is a kind of pattern in the three cases aforementioned. Prakash Raj and Prabhu Deva fell in love (in their first marriage) with their

respective partners, got married, sired children and presumably were happy in the relationship. Their spouses (former in Prakash’s case) were actively involved in running the family and household when they were chasing their dreams in the tinsel town. Then what brought the drift? What went sour?

Things appeared to be perfectly normal whence came the death of one of the children to both Prabhu and Prakash. Again there is a thread of similarity running here between the two artists. Some of the industry circles attribute the loss of the child and the heartache that followed to be the point of drift from their respective spouses. However marriage therapists and relationship experts brandish this argument as one sided and male-centric as the grief that arises out of losing a child belongs equally to both the partners and may be more for women. Here the women did not look for an outside (the marriage) console or an outside shoulder to unload. They handled their distress in their own way. Of course, in Mahesh Bhupathy’s case, there is no child but again, Mahesh and Shweta Jaishankar were madly in love before they got married.

Researchers delving deeper into the male psyche suggest being monogamous in body and spirit is difficult for most of them and if a few of them are indeed monogamous, it may be not because of their strength in character but because of lack of opportunities. Well, they say this behavior dates back to the age of cavemen when all that males did was to search for food and fend for their women and children while women attended to taking care of their offspring and household. There were no rules and regulations and disciplinary measures then. Scientists opine that there are still remnants of those behavioral habits in all of us.

On the other hand, when you think about the women who are involved with the ‘already much married men’, it is definitely perplexing as to what attracts these ‘accomplished’ women to such men. Whether it is their physical attributes or a sound financial position or their social standing or any other alluring qualities? No clues! Or is it some kind of void in their life that these women want to fill in? Or has marriage as an institution is slowly losing its verve?

If it is stability they are looking for, they need to ‘refresh’ their thought process, as someone who fell in love, got married (to the loved one) and raised children, shared some kind of physical and emotional bonding, had some good and bad times for a reasonable period of time, can withdraw from it quite swiftly, there is likely to be an encore of similar event in their life too. This is not pessimism but simple pragmatism. In other words, when a person can call it quits, after having lived a relatively beautiful relationship, for some one else, it may not be an improbable act for them to say ‘I do’ again to someone else. It is just a logical extrapolation. Think gals!

Of course, we do have examples of marriages in the film world itself as precedents wherein the first and second wife co-existed without legal separation. But they sure belonged to a different timeline in terms of thought process and sensibilities. Anyways, best wishes to the Nayantharas, Lara Duttas and Pony Vermas!

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